Debate: Does Dating = Being Exclusive?

For this blog I am going to go back and forth between the debate of whether you are considered "exclusive" if you are dating someone.

First off, let us define dating.

According to Wikipedia - Dating is a form of human courtship consisting of social activities done by two persons with the aim of each assessing the other's suitability as a partner in an intimate relationship or as a spouse.

The Free Dictionary by Farlex offers two definitions -

a. An engagement to go out socially with another person, often out of romantic interest.

b. One's companion on such an outing (not necessarily out of romantic interest)

Urban dictionary has many different ones, a few of my favorites -

a. Of a couple, to be in the early stages of a relationship where they go out on dates to find out what each other is like, as a prelude to actually being a fully fledged couple.

b. A pointless waste of time... defined by massive usage of cologne and/or perfume, awkward sweaty hand-holding, and feelings of puppy love that usually dissolve in a few weeks (or less)

c. a socially acceptable form of prostitution (I personally think the example they had with this one was hilarious, I just had to share this - I spent a $30 for a movie, before the first base. A $50 for lunch, for the second base, and a $70 on a romantic dinner before we cut to the chase.) Oh Urban Dictionary, you get me everytime with your insane definitions!

Okay so we have (kind of) defined what dating is. Now let's go to the next step of the debate: stating both sides of the case.

Side 1: You are exclusive. You have been a couple of dates with this person, maybe things are going great. Even though you havent talked about a "title" yet, there is that underlying belief that neither of you are allowed to date anyone else at the moment.

Side 2: You are not exclusive, there has been no talk of a title as to being boyfriend/girlfiend so you have free reign to go on a date with anyone you choose to.

Now, DEBATE (and yes, this actual conversation may have recently occured between me and a friend.)

"We have only been on a few dates over the course of the last couple weeks, and we are by no means serious. I have free reign to do whatever I want still right now."

"So, does that mean you would be okay with him/her going on a date with someone else right now?"

"Well, no. If I found that out I would straight up end things right now."
"So then you are exclusive."
"Well, yea, I guess so... I dont know. If someone else came along and wanted to take me out to dinner, well why not? Technically I am still still single, and I am still feeling this person out."

"But you are not okay with the other person doing what they want."

"What I am saying is, we are not serious."

"But what is considered serious? Do you talk to this person everyday?"

"Yes, pretty much."

"How often do you see this person?"

"Averaging every other day right now..."

"Have you been interested in anyone else specifically?"

"No"

"Then you are exclusive!"

"But I dont consider them my boyfriend/girlfriend!"
"No, you dont. But you are past the 3 weeks, I have only been on a couple dates mark. You have even secured the relationship by bringing said person back to your place!"

"Now, now... I may have brought this person back to my place, but that doesnt mean we are serious! Maybe we were just having some fun..."

"Okay. You are right. But, if this person blew you off one night and you were pissed, out of retaliation would you go out in search of a new person?"

"No, I mean I wouldn't not talk to someone but I wouldnt go farther than talking and possibly dancing.."

"So you wouldnt even consider someone else"

"Not necessarily... I mean, I woudlnt consider it cheating if I hooked up with another person. We arent together"

"But that is not what I am asking - would you feel bad if you did? Would you tell the person you are dating about it?"

"Hell no, if I hooked up with someone I would not tell them. But I wouldnt just go and hook up with someone right now... I have no intentions to."

"So then basically what you are saying is you are not exclusive, but your innate feelings are saying yes I am exclusive and so you wouldnt do anything"

"Ah I guess so? I dont know I am confused!"

So what did we determine? Well, for one everyone has thier own definition of dating and seriousness and when they are considered exclusive. Some people think they have free reign until the title is there, some people are okay with sticking to one person until things are figured out. BUT.... even if you consider yourself "free and single" some of you still have that exclusive feeling to where you wouldn't consider going on a date with someone else, even if the option was there, and would not want the other person going on a date with someone else either.

So the answer to the debate: If you are well within the dating realm, it has been a few weeks and things are progressing, you are exclusive. If you do not hear from this person regularly, rarely see them, and dont know where things are going - Oh definitely not exclusive and free to do what you want!

Anyone else have opinions on this topic?

Well People... I am Not in College Anymore!

It has finally hit me. I no longer am that young, college kid anymore. Oh I know it has been almost 2 years since I have graduated from the great University of Illinois - but for a while I still felt like I could do it. I could live, party, eat like a college student and get by working that 8-5 job during the week.

Well I can't and reality is starting to hit me in the face that I may be becoming AN ADULT (yes everyone gasp with me). Here are a few examples as to how I figured this out over the last 2 years:

Recovery Period
The time between partying and resting has gotten bigger. I feel like I need more days to get over the weekend festivities. When I was in college, my recoup period was less than a day. Give me a few hours and I would be right back on track. However, now when Monday comes around I am wishing that I had another day to the weekend. This isnt college anymore where I could sleep in, take naps during the day, skip class if I felt I didnt need to go and get some more rest... this is real life! AND when it is the weekend, my body is so used to waking up early during the week that I rarely sleep in like the old days - I am up at the crack of dawn trying to figure out what I am going to do with my day. Oh the days of naps... how I long for thee.

Money, money, money
In collge I was poor, but could afford to go out every night because the drink specials were ridiculous - 75 cent shots, $5 pitchers, $2 well drinks - it was amazing. Sometimes all you needed was a $20 bill and you were good for a few days! But it isnt even about the now-more-expensive $12 pitchers that we buy, but its life in general! Our apartments (at least at U of I) come furnished so there was never no need to buy furniture -  who knew lamps and dressers could be so expensive?? Not only that, but lets kick in all the bills that come with being an adult. Phone bill, car payment, car insurance, rent and utlities, credit card, and the oh-so-hated student loans. College may have been some of the best 4 years of my life, but that is one expensive piece of paper that I purchased to get a job in this world. Oh well, 15 years from now I guess it will be worth it when I am done paying all that off... Who knew being an adult came with the constant writing of checks... note to those who will be looking to buy me a birthday present my check stash is getting pretty low! (and no I am not asking for you to write me a check, I literally will be looking for books of checks, I am down to about 1 book left and will be needing more. I love sports, outdoors, and girlie themes fyi.)

Jobs
This area is scary for anyone, but those of us just getting out of college and not truly knowing where we will end up with our degree are just plain freaked out. I mean not only is the job market so intensely competitive, but even knowing where to look for a job is stressful enough. And throw in health insurance? 401(k)!? BENEFITS!? None of these even existed when I was bartending at Fubar - I was just excited when I went home with straight up cash money from the night. Now I have to worry about putting money into savings for (another gasp) when I want to settle down and start a family, even protect myself in the future. Once you land a job though, the stress (somewhat) disappears - now you just have to keep that job especially in a market where layoffs are more common these days. If only there was someone on graduation day as we walked out with our diplomas giving us a guidebook on exactly what job we will hold, have all the forms filled out, and basically our life planned out for us... oh that would be sweet.

Food
I am an adult, and I am on my own. So this means eating like an adult. Going to the store, I tend to go for more fruits and veggies lately, and even catch myself buying more ingredients to make new dishes.  As I am buying weekly, I realize that wow I sure dont eat out as much as I used to in college. There are no late night burger runs, 2am pizza deliveries because we have the drunk munchies, not even any afternoon McDonalds runs because I am hungover and that is all I am craving. I cant even tell you the last time I had "fast food" (side not - fast food I consider Burger King, McDonalds, Wendys... anything that has a drive thru and you dont need to get out of your car to consume a vast amount of food) I have taken to making my own food these days and this is one thing I have been quite enjoying. Yay for food!

Independence
We all admit to it, before we made any decisions about anything we always ran them by our parents to make sure we are going down the right path. Not even just that, but we always had our parents there to lean back on if we needed it. Random grocery store and Target runs while they visited us in college, home cooked meals when we went home on the weekends and holidays, bills that were paid for when we were home for the summer (because we did not have rent or utilities to cover). Ah the joys of going off for 9 months and being on our own, but then going back home to be taken care of. But what about when you realize that you arent that "I think I am an adult but still have my parents make my decisions for me" college kid anymoer and literally are now making your own decisions? For me, it was a transition that I got used to being so far away from home and literally having to decide everything myself out here in Colorado. But wow, I will say it is one intense feeling when you realized that you did it all on your own - independence baby!! That will send you into adulthood and out of college in no time!

Dating
Yes, I just had to throw something in here about this scene. Because well, its a topic that me and the girls love to talk about! But for this one it has more to do with figuring out the taken type from the single type. In college it was easy - if someone was taken they (usually) said something to you or you knew the person they were with. However, now that we arent surrounded by just 20-somethings we actually have to pay attention to the RING FINGER. The finger that says "hey, I got married and love my partner" kind of thing. It is a slap of reality when you realize that the first thing you notice on someone when you first meet them is "do they have a ring?" At least, I seem to notice I have been doing that more often.....

Now dont get me wrong, I am not complaining about not being in college anymore. I sure dont miss late night studying sessions, papers that were horrible to write, homework that just seemed to never end. And to be honest, there is nothing more satisfying than when you actually feel like an adult, like you have moved on in the world far from the ol' college days where we were young, naiive, immature, and just flatout broke.

But there are some things that I wish would carry over into the adulthood - all I am asking is that siestas in the afternoon should be a part of our work schedule.

I am Awesome... Are You?

What am I about to say may not come as a shock to most, but for some it might come off cocky/stuck up/i-think-i-am-better-than-everyone-else but I want people to know that NO I am not in love with myself, I do not think I am better than anyone nor am I overconfident. But I want to say this:

I AM AWESOME!!!!

Yes, I said it. I am awesome. I rock the world, I am pretty cool. Enough said.

This is why I think I am awesome: Because I love life. And I also LIVE life to the fullest, enjoy it to the max, and have a smile on my face everyday even when I am not having the best day. I have FUN (enough said). I try to be friends with everyone, and live by the motto treat others as you want them to treat you. I cheer people up when they are down. I help people see the positive in things. I dont hold grudges and rarely get angry - if I am upset, it lasts an hour. Then I get over it. And the following photo sums it all up in a nutshell (courtesy of How I Met Your Mother)

Being AWESOME is not about how others think of you but how you think of yourself and also how you portray yourself. I do not want people to think I hate the world, but I also dont want people to think I am better than them. It is about finding that middle ground, that level to where you are modest enough to where you know you rock but you dont show it.

Yes, I create photos of myself being awesome. Maybe every once in a while I throw it out to people to let them know I am. But in all reality, I take it light heartidly and as a joke. But when I can sit and see nothing wrong with life right now - I have family that are alive and healthy back in Chicago that I love to death, I have some of the greatest friends on Earth because they not only get me and are just like me but they are there for me when I need them, I love my job, I laugh everyday and have as much fun as I can exploring and try new things that I have never done before, I have no problem meeting people and making new friends, i have a roof over my head and enough money to pay my bills and still have some fun - I think I have enough reason to just say it: sometimes I AM AWESOME.

I dont think people tell themselves enough that they are awesome. Think about how much better everyone's lives would be if you just told yourself "You know what, I rock" every once in a while. It's a personal confidence booster! Yes, everyone loves to hear it from everyone else but really what YOU think about yourself is all that matters. Because you are the only one that lives your life.

Whenever I finish something that is super hard that I never thought I could do  - run a 5k, do a CrossFit bootcamp, doing the incline - I tell myself "Congrats Meg, you are awesome for finishing that. But you are awesome as well for even trying it, even if you never do it again." No one should sit and say "I cant do it" because that is just an excuse. You can do it, you just dont want to. But how are you going to be awesome in life if you just sit back and do nothing, waiting for things to come to you? Take action on your life! And maybe you can get that feeling that I have in the picture below of accomplishment and success of doing something you didnt think you could do:

Anything you accomplish or do in life, you are awesome for being YOU. For being yourself and for just being alive. So I may think I myself as awesome, but I hope everyone else thinks they themselves are awesome as well. Because I know everyone in my life is pretty awesome :)

So tell yourself today "I rock. I am awesome" and let me know how that feels. I bet it makes your day a tad better!

Awkward Encounters

Yes I know it has been a while since I have blogged. Well after a mini-vacation/hiatus/hibernation - whatever you want to call it - I am coming back and going to attempt to keep up on this blogging habit. I will admit, it is harder to remember than I thought it would be...

Okay... so Awkward Encounters. These two little words can pretty much sum up my life in a nutshell. I feel like my whole life is an awkward encounter. But everyone has experienced a few where literally these moments come upon you when you least expect it and you dont know what to do with yourself. How do I react? What do I say? What do I do!?

There are so many awkward encounters in my life that there is no way I could go through all of them (I believe a friend of mine as jokingly put the count at around 1,459 but in reality she might not even be kidding) so I am going to categorize some of the different encounters one can come upon - and I can almost guarantee I have been through them all!

The "I cant Remember Their Name But They Look Familiar/They Remember Me" Encounter
We ALL have been here before (and if you havent, well you are either living under a rock or you just have one hell of a memory) whether it was passing someone on the street, walking to class, out to eat, grocery shopping. You and this person catch each others eye, maybe walk right by each other, and you can see the light bulb go off and CRAP what's thier name?? So you go through the entire "Hey, hows it going?" conversation  figuring out all the ways to talk to them without having to say their name. I cant tell you how many times I would walk the quad at U of I and get shoutouts "Hey Meg, how's it going?" and I couldnt tell you their first name or anything about them (I must sidenote here that I was a bartender AND an extremely social person when I went out so I met an exuberant amount of new people on a regular basis)  But what happens when they start conversing about how great it would be to get together and catch up, but you STILL cant figure out what thier name is or its on the tip of your tongue - so now not only do you have to carry a conversation by never saying thier name but trying to ask questions and get information out of them to know who they are. Most awkward moment? When this happens and you are with someone, and the introductions have to happen - and then its completely obvious you dont know thier name because you are stumbling and start getting red from embarrassment. OR when you say a name it is totally not their name... and then you have to play it off like you had a brain fart/that persons name was just on the top of your head and you didnt mean to say that.... yea this section has way too many different awkward scenarios that can happen.

The "First Date" Encounter
So you meet a guy/girl one night, things hit off pretty well and phone numbers are exchanged. A couple days later you are texting (because no one calls each other anymore and THATS OKAY "insert extreme hand gestures here") and decide to meet up for dinner and/or a couple drinks. This is where the whole first date awkwardness comes into play. And all of you know, most of the time the first date is ALWAYS awkward. You really dont know this person that you are meeting up with and so now everything is about first impressions. What should I wear? What if I overdress/underdress (this could make the situation awkward in general showing up in the wrong clothes!) Do they pick me up? Do I just meet them at the place? After all this is figured out, you eventually go on the date. Now here is the big question - how do you greet each other? Do you shake thier hand? Hug them? Rub their shoulder and say it is good to see you again? (Yes, I have done this. Please openly judge away) So now you sit down and the first few moments are always rough, trying to get the so how did your day go, hows your week been, whats new comments out. From there on out hings start going great, conversation is steady until finally it is the end of the night and it is time to leave. NOW what do you do now? This is an awkward moment because you dont really know exactly what the other person is thinking yet. You may think that the date is going great, but what if he/she isnt feeling it? As you are walking out the door, mind racing about how this goodbye is going to go, do you 1. Stick the fist out and pound them goodbye (yes, I have done this. Keep openly judging) 2. Give them a hug 3. Shake their hand or, the big one, 4. Go in for the kill aka the kiss. This is a horrible feeling because you literally are trying to figure out what to do before anything happens, and sometimes if you are thinking too much you end up awkwardly doing something else that you didnt want to do (like half hug/half kiss on the cheek!?). Sometimes, as a good friend of mine put it, you should just take the bull by its horns and take charge of the situation.... but what if that also puts you in an awkward spot? What if he/she isnt feeling what you are? Once the goodbyes are exchanged, you usually run to your car/run up your stairs to your door and just get home as fast as you can so the first date blunders can just go away.

The "We Went on a Couple Dates and Then You Never Called Me Back Afterwards But Then I Saw You Out" Encounter
I dont know about any of you, but I feel like this one can be SUPER awkward. You are having a good time, going about your business when you turn around or go to walk to the bar and BAM you run right into this person. And you were hoping not to see them because you are still getting over the fact that they never called you back and why they didnt call you back. So now its the awkward "Oh hey, hows it going?" and the small chit chat about how you have been since you last saw each other - then you wonder do you ask what they have been up to? Or better yet, if you have had a few adult beverages in ya, take the risk of asking why you havent heard from them? THIS IS NOT A GOOD SITUATION PEOPLE! It usually makes the other person super uncomfortable, and not even consider calling you ever again. Once this happens, the excuse of having to be somewhere, or just saying "well good seeing ya" (when you really know it was NOT good seeing them) comes out and then you end up walking away as fast as you can. And then for the rest of the night you still wonder why he never called you back/what you did wrong...

The "I Just Literally Ran Into the CEO And Did Not Know What to do" Encounter
I believe this only happens to me and my very awesome, but also just as awkward, friends. You are getting into the elevator and all of a sudden you see the BIG GUY, the CEO of the company you work for, get into the elevator with you. What do you say? He obviously doesnt know you and therefore what do you say? And if he makes you uncomfortable because you consider him such a big shot, you dont want to talk because you wont know waht comes out of your mouth! Or you get so tongue-tied when you are around them that you literally cant believe that just came out of your mouth like "Wel hellloooooooo there" (in a not so normal voice because you thought they were someone else" or the cases where you make absolutely no sense becase your mind stopped working. Yes I would say this one happens to me more often than any other encounter in this blog - I get so nervous that it makes me awkward!!!!

The "You Run Into Somone/Old Friend That You Havent Called to Hang out With in a While" Encounter
Besides the previous encounter where the other person did not call you, this reason is because you have not called them. And you want to be nice and not say why you havent called them because well, there is no real nice way to say "Crap, I have forgotten about you!" Sometimes it isnt even intentional that you havent called them - life gets in the way and you just are overwhelmed with what you are doing already. But it sucks when you see this person and in your head you are going "omg, I havent called them in a while and they texted me last week to hang out and I blew them off... oh no!" So now you are stuck trying to not sound like you are making excuses as to why they havent heard from you/why you havent invited them out but in reality they are excuses. So do you make those excuses or just be honest and say "hey, I have forgotten about you I am so sorry" because I dont know what I would rather hear myself as well. At this point you usually take a mental note to call them next time and make plans so that this doenst happen again!

The "You Run Into An Old Friend You Had A Fall-Out With/No Longer Want to Hang Out With" Encounter
This one is probably the most rare one, where it doesnt happen as often as you think but there are those times that it does happen. There is that one person that you had a huge fight with, stopped being friends with and havent seen in years. Then one day you bump into each other at the grocery store and you want to be nice and just say hi, but there is a reason why you dont talk anymore. Or, the friend that you realized is no longer a good friend or a good person and you just dont want to have any association with them anymore. You bump into them one night and crap they found you. This is where its tricky - you obviouslty want no contact with these people because you dont want them back in your life. Do you avoid them all together, and be the bitch to just walk right by them and not say hi? Do you leave where you are at right away and dont look back? Or are you the better person and say hi, but make an excuse about needing to be somewhere and get out before having to catch up? Yea it's never a good thing.

The "You Just Saw Your Boss/Co-Worker  But You Dont Want Them To See You" Encounter
We all have those nights where we arent "the best" We might have had too many to drink, maybe we are somewhere we arent supposed to be - anyway, you look over and you see someone you work with. Maybe you tried getting out of work early to get the early bird happy hour deals, and hoped no one would catch you. Or, you used all your vacation days and so used one of your "sick days" to not come in the office (and played off sick) but were really healthy and just wanted to do your own thing for the day. Either way, whether you are roaming that mall shopping on a Wednesday afternoon or you are well on your way of making it an interesting night, you see your co-worker looking at you and judging. Openly judging, and you dont want to know if they are going to go back and say something to the wrong person and get you in trouble.
AS A SIDE NOTE ON THIS ENCOUNTER: I dont have this happen to me personally because 1. I actually do hang out with my co-workers and love hanging out with them 2. Dont get vacation/sick days so I take off only when I legit am sick because otherwise I dont get paid and 3. If I do leave early, I clock out early. So no calling me out about "not working and still being paid" excuse. BOOM. But this does happen to people, and you know they always need to hide under the table or run to the bathroom/out the door and somewehre far far away from these bosses and coworkers. I am quite thankful this doesnt happen to me...

So this is all I can come up with right now... am I missing any other "awkward encounters" that I should know about/I possibly havent had to endure yet?